Jesus Was French

Jacques Chirac says Jesus was French. Well, he says that France is "clearly better off than the British" who, with the Americans, are supposed to be fighting Jesus' war in Iraq. Wouldn't we be winning in Iraq if Jesus was British or American?

So, Jesus must be French.

He wore cool, comfortable clothing. Do any people on earth dress more coolly and comfortably than the French?

He had lots of suppers together with others. This is a singular French past-time; eating well, and doing so for lengthy periods, with others, in hearty communion.

Jesus was really into wine. So are the French.

French garlic and cheese were devised by Jesus to keep the devil away.

The Jesus Revolution started in France.

There are marches for Jesus in France.

You can actually see Jesus in France.

The book Evidence for Jesus was written by a guy named France. Although he is really English (we won't tell Chirac), I believe he actually emigrated from France (how do you think he got that name?) and has been working among the heathen.

And what about the movie Jesus of Montreal? Isn't Montreal French?

Why do you think the French have the best sex on earth?

David Hasselhoff is really popular in France. Jesus was French. David Hasselhoff is really Jesus.

Mark Twain described the French as "meek", and, of course, they shall inherit the earth.

France has the weakest military on earth and the French kiss each other on both cheeks all the time. Jesus said "turn the other cheek."

France invented the can-can.

The French hate McDonald's.

France is letting Lance Armstrong win every race, the kind of thing Jesus would do.

France let Senegal beat them in soccer (or as they call it, football), just the kind of thing Jesus advocates.

There are no overweight French women, something only Jesus could make happen.

France gave America the Statue of Liberty. Could that kind of generosity be a more Jesus-like thing to do? Not only that, America would still be a colony if it weren't for the French financing of our revolution. Didn't Jesus advocate just that kind of giving spirit?

The Eiffel Tower is the stairway to heaven. The portal to hell is in Texas.

The French invented the most popular food on earth: fried potatoes. Need I say more?

France is a commie nation. Jesus was a commie. Jesus was French.