Congress Defends America from Crazed Liberal Flag Burners

The House of Representatives has passed yet another Constitutional Amendment banning flag-burning.

They have nothing better to do than obsess on an issue like flag-burning. Most of them chickenhawks. Most of them heedless to the current and pressing need to provide our soldiers with better protection in Iraq. Most of them supporters of the Bush welfare programs for the rich and for tax-breaks to corporations. Most of them sinking this country into the largest deficit in our history. Most of them careless about our environment and the future health of our children.

But, by God, this witless majority has helped to protect America by fighting for a Constitutional Amendment banning flag-burning. These are the heroic members of Congress defending America.

Imagine that. Millions of pieces of red, white and blue cloth that are one of many symbols of this country threatened by waves of crazed liberals lighting matches. But have no fear, once this new Constitutional Amendment is in place, wingnut liberals can start burning copies of the Constitution itself in protest. And when they pass a Constitutional Amendment banning burning copies of the Constitution, enraged liberals can start burning copies of the Declaration of Independence in protest. And when they enact a Constitutional Amendment banning burning copies of the Declaration of Independence, traitorous liberals can start burning copies of the Republican platform. And the heroic members of Congress can fight on with more Amendments to the Constitution, defending life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

My father was a company commander (E Company, 66th Infantry, 71st Division) in France, Germany and Austria in WWII. The 71st, by the way, was the division that ended up liberating more concentration camps than any other. To make a long and very interesting story short, when my dad heard about the first flag burning amendment effort years ago, his comment to me was "My men died so that people in this country could burn the flag in protest."