Translation of the Prevarication

Here are some of the things Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff, said in his announcement that Mike Brown, the head of FEMA, was being brought back to Washington DC, followed by my editorial translation, basically amounting to what Chertoff was really saying, but couldn't.

"The effort to respond and recover from Hurricane Katrina is moving forward." (Finally)

"We are preparing to move from the immediate emergency response phase to the next phase of operations." (We're bringing in some professionals now)

"Importantly, we must have seamless interaction with military forces as we move forward with our critical work in New Orleans and the surrounding parishes." (We discovered this only after Mike Brown blew it)

"At the same time, we are still in hurricane season and need to be prepared to deal effectively with the possibility of future hurricanes and other disasters." (There just might be more disasters on the way, we think, maybe)

Therefore, I have directed Mike Brown to return to administering FEMA nationally, and I have appointed Vice Admiral Thad Allen of the Coast Guard as the Principal Federal Official (PFO) overseeing Hurricane Katrina response and recovery effort in the field. (We are bringing Mike Brown back to Washington DC and taking his phone and computer away from him)

Joe Picciano will continue to be deputy PFO in Baton Rouge to support Admiral Allen's efforts. (Joe actually has substantial experience in disaster relief, just look at his bio)

Hurricane Katrina will go down as the largest natural disaster in American history and Mike has done everything he possibly could to coordinate the federal response to this unprecedented challenge. (Given his utter inexperience and incompetence)

I appreciate his work. (Despite the fact that I am gagging while I say this)

I also appreciate the tireless efforts of the men and women of FEMA, as well as our federal, state, and local partners. (I sure hope this helps)

Vice Admiral Allen is doing an exceptional job, and he has my full support in the important work ahead. (OK, now take your eyes off Mike Brown, forget him, and talk about this guy, please)

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Learning on the Job